My Journey With Ovarian Cysts

I’ve been meaning to blog more, but recent health concerns have left me wiped out and off balance, and it’s only today that I’m finally feeling clear enough to write my thoughts. How about you? Has the coming of spring filled you with a sense of renewal and the urge to write?

I hope you are getting a lot of writing done, and working on your “passion projects”: a nonfiction book, or novel, a memoir, songs, solo shows, plays, poetry and so on...

Creative freelance writing is so varied and takes on so many different forms and genres; that’s what keeps it interesting!

The above photo is a lovely scene taken on the first day of spring here in the Hudson Valley. This peaceful serene setting is quite a contrast to the turmoil in my heart surrounding my annual gynecological exam, the one where my complex ovarian cyst is evaluated for anything suspicious.

My journey with ovarian cysts began eight years ago. In the spring of 2004, I had been experiencing some dysfunctional uterine bleeding and when I went to the gynecologist to look into the cause, my pelvic ultrasound revealed some interesting information that would put me on the path to ovarian cancer awareness...

It turns out my abnormal bleeding was due to an endometrial polyp that was then removed that summer; however, doctors discovered I also had a complex cyst inside my right ovary. At that time, I had no knowledge whatsoever about ovarian cysts, and didn’t realize that complex ovarian cysts sometimes turn out to be cancerous.

As I began researching ovarian cysts, I felt terror sweep through me as I read message boards and articles about the malignant potential of complex ovarian cysts. It was such a scary time for me. As I searched for information, I realized how terrified and confused other women are about their own ovarian cysts. It can be hard to find accurate information online and there’s a lot of misinformation about the disease, which is often overlooked, misdiagnosed and not found until the later stages, when ovarian cancer is often deadly.

When my complex ovarian cyst was discovered, I went into a “watch and wait” period to see if the cyst looked like anything that was, or might become, ovarian cancer. This “watch and wait” period has been going on now for eight years. I’ve had about a dozen transvaginal (and abdominal) ultrasounds in the last eight years, one MRI, and several CA 125 blood tests, and so far, after much evaluation, it doesn’t look like anything to worry about.

But I’m still in watchful waiting. And I’ll admit: eight years, it feels like a long time to “watch and wait.” I’ve grown weary of transvaginal ultrasounds, and wondering about test results. I just wanted to be free of the whole burden. In the spring 2010, my test results showed my cyst was unchanged since 2006.

So I am ashamed to say out of weariness and a bit of “watch and wait” fatigue, I got complacent about ovarian cancer awareness. I didn’t keep my yearly appointment with the gynecologist out of fears I might have to endure another pelvic ultrasound (my last one had been very uncomfortable, but in medical speak it’s often referred to as a “painless procedure”).

Then something awful happened: I recently experienced a few weeks of dysfunctional uterine bleeding. I felt horrified. Women of all ages sometimes experience a little abnormal bleeding and it can be nothing unusual, especially for ladies past 35 in their perimenopausal years. Yet I knew that abnormal vaginal bleeding can be a sign of cancer. This chill went through me and I knew I should have kept my yearly appointment; it’s been over two years since I’ve been examined.

I saw the gynecologist on April 19. She ordered a pelvic ultrasound for that very day! I was over the moon with joy, because this time it was just the transvaginal ultrasound, without any transabdominal ultrasound first. If you’ve read my other posts here about ovarian cancer awareness, you know that I absolutely hate drinking the copious amounts of water needed for the abdominal part of the ultrasound.

I had my test and descended into the usual worry spiral I feel waiting for the results, with my fears compounded by the dysfunctional uterine bleeding. I didn’t have to wait very long though. My gynecologist called just a few days later to let me know what was happening with my body: left ovary normal, right complex ovarian cyst to her surprise was actually smaller, but she found a few small fibroids and a polyp in my uterus.

Then she gave me the alternatives to deal with the uterine polyp which can cause bleeding: I could have a hysteroscopy (which uses a camera), or a saline sonogram with a catheter, or we could follow up in a few cycles with more ultrasound. Which kind of reminds me of that old “Let’s Make a Deal” game show where you could pick from a few options.

I instinctively chose door number three, the less invasive option. I said I wanted to wait and follow up in a few months. Then I researched the tests online, and I’m glad I had the option to wait, because these procedures seem scary and painful. Back in 2004 I had an endometrial biopsy, another so called “simple painless in office procedure,” and folks, it was not all sunshine, rainbows and unicorns.

It was invasive, psychologically disturbing and excruciatingly painful. It was just horrible! So I was really sweating it out, in anticipation of having to endure more of these medical procedures. The tension was really building in me. My doctor said to call her in a week if I was still bleeding.

Fortunately, after the week went by, my dysfunctional uterine bleeding disappeared on its own! Hurray! I have no abnormal bleeding, my complex ovarian cyst is shrinking, and Thursday, I had a normal mammogram! Life is GOOD!

However, I won’t forget the lessons learned from this experience. I had become far too complacent about ovarian cancer awareness. After coming so far to educate myself about this deadly killer of a disease, the last two years I’ve really buried my head in the sand. I was OVER the whole thing: the tests, my fears, and the worry about having ovarian cancer.

But ovarian cancer is called “the silent killer.” It doesn’t take time off. The potential for the disease is still there, even if I chose to ignore the issue. It isn’t proactive for me to ignore the issue of ovarian cancer simply because I’m tired of watching my cyst.

I’ve been reading a lot lately about how the medical community is divided on the issue of whether or not complex ovarian cysts can turn cancerous. For example, if my ovarian cyst looks benign today, as I age across the decades, could that complex cyst one day develop into cancer? When I asked my doctor if she thought my cyst could one day be cancerous, she replied: “It’s possible, that’s why we follow it.”

So that was a changing day for me. I’ll never stick my head in the sand again about ovarian cancer and my ovarian cyst. I’d like you to do the same also. If you feel you might have symptoms of ovarian cancer (which you can read about on sites like ocrf.org, the Ovarian Cancer Research Fund has a Fact Sheet) please visit your doctor promptly for a full medical evaluation. If your doctor dismisses you, and something doesn’t feel right, then find more doctors and knock on as many doors as possible until you get answers and proper treatment!

The slogan of ovarian cancer awareness is: “Ovarian cancer whispers, so listen.” Listen to those subtle signs within your own body. Also, if you are being monitored for a complex ovarian cyst, or anything else, please don’t become complacent. Keep your appointments; don’t hide your head in the sand, hoping for the best. Regular screenings are the best way to catch any potential problems early, when they are more treatable.

Note: This blog post and all other blog entries about my health and journey to ovarian cancer awareness represent my own opinions, research, and personal experiences. My book and blogs are not intended to treat or diagnose any medical conditions. Please consult with a qualified physician if you have any questions or concerns about your own health.

For further reading about my journey with ovarian cysts, read the posts on this blog and my Soul Tripper blog labeled “Ovarian Cancer Awareness.”

My Soul Tripper book has a whole chapter about my journey to ovarian cancer awareness titled: “Close Encounters of the Ovarian Kind.”

Dealing With the Google Algorithm Changes

“Now is the winter of our discontent...” wrote William Shakespeare. This winter has been challenging (to say the least) for many people, due to the harsh winter weather and concerns about the economy (which is “rebounding” but you wouldn’t know it from where I live in a tiny rural town in the Mid-Hudson Valley). For me, it’s been one thing right after another since the holidays.

I seem to experience a bit of seasonal blahs this time of the year, but that’s understandable considering what a long, punishing winter we’ve had on the East Coast. My family has endured some health scares, and I’ve been trying to finish my New York State teaching assistant certification. A short while ago my beloved cat (who is 17 years old on St. Patrick’s Day) had her own health scare and I was devastated to think about losing her; fortunately, she had some treatment and I think she’s feeling a lot better.

Then I am scheduled to see my gynecologist soon, and it’s something I dread a lot. My doctor is wonderful but I am also in a never ending watch and wait period to keep an eye on what looks like a benign right ovarian cyst, and last spring during my manual exam she thought she felt something, so it was off for an ultrasound. Everything turned out fine and I was so relieved! My cyst was unchanged.

I think I’d like to discuss with my doctor the idea of having a yearly mammogram, not waiting every two years according to the new guidelines. I urge all you ladies out there to drop everything and get your mammogram! (If you’ve let yours go, you know who you are!) I admit I forgot to have it done last fall, but I’m making it a priority. I recently found out my cousin, who is in her sixties, had breast cancer and she told us breast cancer was traced to my father’s side of the family. For the men reading, please urge your loved ones to get their yearly gynecological exam which includes a mammogram--it’s of the utmost importance to get your screenings and catch any potential problems as early as possible.

Yearly Writing Resolutions

I’ve been thinking a lot about life lately, what’s really important and what directions I’d like to go in with my writing. I even wrote an article about my writer resolutions, but it’s not published yet (I’ll add a link to it when it is published in case you’d like to read my goals and direction for the New Year.)

First and foremost, my health and happiness, as well as the health and happiness of my family (which includes our beloved and aging pets) top my list. My artistic goals for my writing and also some acting dreams are extremely important. I’d like to move to a new place and develop a second career that enables me to earn extra money while pursuing my freelance writing. I have given a ton of thought to what would be a good day job for me, as I really want to continue on this path of being a writer. I’m exploring becoming a teaching assistant because I would love to help children (and adults) learn to read.

Things like sign language and ESL, also interest me a lot. I think this could be a great career for me, very fulfilling but I’m in the early stages of getting certified. I don’t have classroom experience yet, and I don’t see many job openings in teaching around here. I hope it works out but I am also thinking about computers and graphic/web design. In a harsh reality, our school districts are cutting a lot of teaching and support jobs this year, so I may have picked a bad time to enter teaching, and I might have to look for something else.

Recent Google Algorithm Changes

I will never give up on my writing and artistic dreams. I’ve given this a lot of thought and feel like professional writers, just like artists such as painters and performers shouldn’t fall into the trap of giving their work away for free. Writing is a skill and an art, and we have a right to be compensated for our work. The myth of the “starving artist” who considers recompense for their creative work to be vulgar is a scary myth, usually perpetuated by misguided artists and those who seek to exploit the artist for their own gain.

In the last few weeks, many creative people who are online writers have been affected by the recent changes to Google’s algorithm. This change was put into effect to help root out the inferior content out there, causing it to fall in the search engine rankings, ostensibly with the cream of the content rising to the top. It was supposed to make “content farms” quake in their boots and give up their evil ways, but many legitimate writing sites have been affected, with traffic and earnings at some places dropping by fifty percent since late February. This is horrifying to writers of quality content whose income from articles put food on the table and helped pay their bills: what on earth to do now?

I have some articles on Triond, but I haven’t written there in about a year, and my earnings have always been pretty low there. However, my Triond earnings have remained steady since the Google algorithm change. Unfortunately, my earnings and page views at Yahoo Contributor Network are down fifty percent, with the good news that they’ve risen a bit in the last few days. I was actually one of the Yahoo Hot 500 for February 2011 but not sure I can maintain that with recent declines in page views.

Originally my Xomba earnings seemed to be okay as my Yahoo Contributor Network earnings fell, but in the last few days, I’ve seen a sharp drop in page views for my Xomba content as well as Xomba revenue. Xomba will be starting over from scratch and becoming a totally new site, which will launch soon. I think there’s great opportunity in the new site they have planned for writers to showcase their articles and hone their skills. I applaud Xomba for wanting to strive for the highest quality possible.

I have been reading the Xomba staff blog very closely to understand all the many changes, but they still confuse me sometimes. I fear I might make a mistake with the new posting of bookmarks, as to what content they are looking for, and my old way of doing bookmarks (which I posted in good faith according to the old rules) isn’t what they want anymore. So I think I’ll be posting more articles on Xomba than bookmarks, and also I’m sitting back a little, waiting for the new site to be unveiled and just getting a feel for these many changes sweeping through Xomba and where I fit in the picture.

Under the new rules of Xomba, we can no longer bookmark our content from other sites, like published articles and blog posts.

I have to confess dear readers that I really want to bookmark my own articles sometimes! Why should I boost traffic to other articles and have to ignore my own? I see nothing wrong with occasionally bookmarking my own articles; I thought that was the spirit of bookmarking. Xomba bookmarks aren’t do follow links, but boy did those Xomblurbs (now called bookmarks) drive traffic to my articles! I am unable to bookmark my new articles on Xomba, and I feel the loss of traffic already. Even without a do follow link, many people would find my Xomba bookmark and go to my original article on another site.

In the old days on Xomba, I posted about 1470 bookmarks, but since I only have a few hundred published articles online, clearly I wasn’t just bookmarking my articles. I really miss bookmarking my articles on Xomba right now. So I discovered two bookmarking sites called Snipsly.com and SheToldMe.com.

I have a few bookmarks there already for my recent articles about the Academy Awards, and I think it helped boost traffic to my work. Also, these two sites are do follow links, and the Adsense revenue sharing split is higher. I had to look around for a new place to do bookmarks, and I find these Xomba changes led me to a new door of opportunity, bookmarking on other sites. I obey all the rules on Snipsly and SheToldMe, but I feel this great sense of fun and freedom there. In good faith, I post my bookmarks. I always do the best I can with bookmarks, but I don’t feel overly restricted there. But I can bookmark my own blog posts and articles, and I don’t worry so much about keeping up with so many rule changes. I am also starting to see a small trickle of revenue from these two sites and I’ll continue bookmarking there to see what happens.

In the wake of the recent Google algorithm changes, I'm returning to Triond. Sometimes I’m slow to embrace change so I didn’t take the Triond Adsense integration when it happened last year, because my earnings were so low there I thought it didn’t matter. But every little bit of revenue helps! I added Google Adsense to my Triond articles, and I am seeing a small amount of revenue that pleases me, and my Triond revenues are improving, so I’m going to try writing for Triond again.

Maybe it’s because Triond publishes articles on a variety of niche sites, but Triond didn’t seem as hard hit by the recent algorithm changes at Google. It makes sense to give Triond another look and besides, I really enjoy the great writer community there.

I’ll continue to write for Yahoo Contributors Network, riding out this dip in earnings caused by the search engine changes. I feel so proud of my writer profile and library of articles there. My page views are already rebounding and I feel confident that writers can ride out this bump in the road by doing the best they can, continuing to write high quality content.

All this talk being casually thrown around about “content farms” and “content mills,” I find it kind of offensive. It’s suddenly as if any user generated content from a writing site is automatically low brow, just thrown together for commercial purposes to wring a buck from the internet. Once in a while I come across some printed publications that have glaring proofreading errors and feature low quality content, but since it’s published on paper, it’s considered more legit than web content.

If you’re writing online, and you’re working for a writing site, then you’ll hear the label “content farm” sometimes. I just let it roll right off my back; I’m passionate about my work and creating the best online content possible. But I’m afraid in response to this Google algorithm change, some writers will be afraid to say they want fair compensation for their work. In fighting back against the “content mill” label, some writing sites out there are saying just write for your art, with money a secondary consideration.

I’ve heard rumblings that writing for pay or thinking of popularity and developing revenue streams from writing is “too commercial” and to avoid the dreaded “content farm” label, and ensure quality content, just forget about earning money for your expertise and time. I’ve heard rhetoric like writing is a hobby and expect pocket change, or even no money at all, for your articles. I say: Excuse me? Writers are flesh and blood--we can’t subsist on thin air. We also need to earn a living and quality professional writers want to be paid, there’s nothing wrong with that!

I will produce the best quality content I can, and I will write with a passion and continue to grow and improve. I’m developing a second career so that I can write the articles I want to write and not worry so much about downturns, like the Google algorithm changes. I want to earn income as a writer while improving at my craft. For me, it’s always the intersection of writing as an art and as a business.

I refuse to starve in a garret, as the starving artist! The well-fed, fulfilled self supporting writer is my vision.

Hope you had a happy winter and thank goodness spring is almost here!

Follow your bliss, blaze your own path and keep on writing!

Ovarian Cancer Awareness: My Journey Continues...

It’s been rainy and overcast here for the past week, and it’s sometimes felt a bit more like late spring than fall. On Friday September 26, I went to the gynecologist for my annual checkup. For the last few years, this process has involved the following of an ovarian cyst also.

That same day Paul Newman (one of my favorite actors) lost his battle with cancer. In the morning, I was back at the gynecologist, trying to figure out once again if a cyst that’s been inside my right ovary for about four years now could be suspicious.

I’ve been living in the medical gray zone known as “watch and wait” for a few years now. My doctor discovered a complex cyst in my ovary, and it’s been followed ever since with ultrasounds (and even an MRI). “Following the cyst” is what doctors do when the cyst doesn’t immediately look like cancer, but needs to be further evaluated with repeated tests like ultrasounds.

I’ve lost track of exactly how many transvaginal ultrasounds I’ve had in the last four years. I’ve had at least six, maybe ten? I was ecstatic about a year ago, when my gynecologist said my CA 125 blood tests looked good and so did my ultrasounds, and we didn’t have to follow me with any more ultrasounds, unless the cyst started bothering me and I had symptoms.

During this last visit, the doctor changed her mind and ordered more tests. So this morning, on a beautiful, bright sunny day I headed off to Northern Dutchess Hospital (NDH) in Rhinebeck for another ultrasound. I’ve really come to dread the tests, so I wasn’t looking forward to it at all. Transvaginal ultrasound can hurt, depending on the skill level of the technician, and it’s invasive and I have to drink a lot of water, too.

It’s hard to judge how much water to drink for a full bladder, needed for the transabdominal portion of the ultrasound. I was supposed to drink two 16 ounce bottles of water, but I didn’t drink that much. The very first time I went for the test, I drank everything they told me, and then I had to sit around and wait. As my bladder got full, it felt so painful! It was agony! So a guy in radiology told me to go in the bathroom and “let a little out.” No easy feat when your bladder is about to explode, to just let a little bit out!

When I was an ultrasound newbie, it was hard. So I’ve learned to only drink what feels comfortable to me, just enough for a full bladder. If I am taken right away, it’s not too bad, the waiting. The only really painful part, in my opinion, is when they roll the ultrasound over your tummy, to take pictures of the ovaries (it’s necessary to have a full bladder for this portion of the sonogram.)

Then there’s that blissful moment of relief when you can finally go to the bathroom after drinking all that water. Then it’s back on the table for part two, the transvaginal portion of the test. A wand is inserted vaginally that gives a very detailed picture of the uterus and ovaries. This is gives a much clearer image than the abdominal ultrasound, but they always do both tests.

I scheduled my ultrasound for a really early time, the first slot at 8 AM, just to get it over with. The hospital has a new Dyson Center for Women, and it was so comfortable and modern. It seemed to me that this is the way medical care should be for women. Other times I’ve had the ultrasounds, it was done sometimes by a man, in a hot cramped room where I had to go down the hall to use the bathroom, then come back to the room to finish the test. It’s not necessarily a bad thing that a man does the test, it’s just that it feels so personal and invasive, I like it so much better when a woman does the transvaginal ultrasounds.

NDH has created this really nice, professional setting where women can get mammograms and things like pelvic ultrasounds. So my transvaginal ultrasound was still invasive and uncomfortable, but not that bad! I left the hospital with a good feeling. If you are facing something like an ovarian cyst, I encourage you to investigate your options and find a doctor and a hospital you can feel really good about.

It’s really nice to know that such institutions exist. The only shocker today was the bill! I don’t have insurance, so I found out I could see the cashier on the way out and get a discount for paying the hospital right after the test. As a writer, I’ve found it’s always this balancing act, not having things like insurance, wondering how the bills will get paid. I was able to pay, but scratching my head at the very high cost of medical care in our country.

I’ve read about the costs of transvaginal ultrasound, and heard a figure of about $250. I also had transabdominal ultrasound too, but the cost of both tests today was at least a rent payment in the Hudson Valley. That’s really one of the downsides of freelancing, wondering how to meet things like unexpected medical expenses. Last time I had an ultrasound I had insurance; now, I don’t have any.

So that’s been on my mind. And what will the doctor say about the results of this test? Did my cyst grow or change in some way? Is cancer now clearly visible? Will I need more CA 125 tests? (a test that monitors blood protein levels and is a marker for ovarian cancer). Do I need laparoscopy? Will I lose my ovary? Will I need to turn around and have another ultrasound next month, or god forbid, another MRI?

All these thoughts swirled around my head as I drove home from Rhinebeck. That’s life sometimes in the “watch and wait” period. I suppose I could put an end to it all, by asking for surgery to evaluate and biopsy my ovary. But no doctor has ever felt that strongly about me having an operation. They leave it up to me. Saying things look okay in their opinion, but they’re not one hundred percent sure I don’t have cancer.

Actually, it’s really hard to detect ovarian cancer sometimes. The signs and symptoms can be very subtle and are often disregarded, misdiagnosed or overlooked. Ovarian cancer is often diagnosed in the late stages when the prognosis isn’t very good and survival rates are low.

As I chatted with the technician giving me the ultrasound today, I mentioned that September is Ovarian Cancer Awareness month. She said “Oh really? I didn’t know that, I just know about pink ribbons and breast cancer awareness in October.” It occurred to me, if a person working in women’s health at a respected hospital doesn’t know about ovarian cancer awareness, does the average person know much about ovarian cancer?

I think we really need to get the word out about this disease. There are women all over the country being monitored like me, and there are lots of frightened women who have been diagnosed or are experiencing symptoms but don’t know where to turn for information and treatment. We really need to start talking more about ovarian cancer awareness. We also need a specific screening tool for the disease (right now, we just have things like CA 125 tests, manual exams, and transvaginal ultrasound).

It’s really hard to believe that I could have no symptoms and no pain, but still have to go through all these tests and then sweat it out, trying to learn if my cyst might be suspicious. But since ovarian cancer is so subtle, I’m willing to be monitored and glad I’ve found a doctor who will order these tests and watch the cyst for anything abnormal.

I urge you to increase your ovarian cancer awareness. If you’d like to hear more of my story, I’ve written two articles on this subject. Click here to read my personal story of ovarian cancer awareness:
http://www.healthmad.com/Women/My-Journey-to-Ovarian-Cancer-Awareness.282775

Click here to read an earlier story I wrote about my ovarian cyst, and learn the signs and symptoms of ovarian cancer:
http://voices.yahoo.com/ovarian-cancer-awareness-learn-signs-symptoms-573715.html?cat=70

I’ll be writing more articles this fall about ovarian cancer awareness, and how to join the fight for a cure. {**SPRING 2012 Update: 8 years later, still being monitored for ovarian cancer, via "watch and wait"...my last tests showed my right ovarian cyst had not changed since 2006. For more about my journey to ovarian cancer awareness, my book "Soul Tripper: A Journey of Awakening" has a whole chapter devoted to my struggles to get a diagnosis about my ovarian cyst, as well as what I learned through the process. Click on the "Soul Tripper Book" section of this blog for more info}.